i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
