just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
