I will die if light touches me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
