apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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