You're a womanizer and a bitch.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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