can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
