why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
