I wish I could punch you in the face.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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