IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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