I feel like abortions should bother me more
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize