im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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