i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
