Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
