So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
