If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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