Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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