Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
FUCK WHALES
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
