he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
