I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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