dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
