I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
