I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
