My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
