there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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