Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
