you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
