Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
