the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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