im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
