I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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