I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize