btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize