im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
