I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
