Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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