Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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