I can't breathe out the right side of my face
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
