so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
