I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
...so i touched it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
