Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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