I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize