you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
