I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
