the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
