I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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