K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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