So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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