Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
