plz talk dirty to me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize