Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
