Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sorry about my life...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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