Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
