Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish you could order shots online.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
