They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
