he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
