I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
