It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
