i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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