can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
