guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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