Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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