i wish my penis had a tongue
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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