got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
