I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
