Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
