awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize