Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
