why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize