i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
