I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
