Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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