This is not my ceiling
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
