I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
