i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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