I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
