Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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