mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
