Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
