I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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