It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
