So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
