I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize