Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
