he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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