I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
