Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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