I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
