I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
