i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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