thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
