how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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