im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
