I wanna bring you to show and tell
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dignity is for republicans.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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