he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
