Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
