I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
