Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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