I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love having hate sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
