The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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